Author Maria Leonard Olsen: 5 Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Dramatically Improve One’s Wellbeing

Beau Henderson

Sep 15

I surround myself with people who help me become my best version. I am a proponent of positive psychology and do my best to avoid “energy vampires.” The more I am around negative people, the more my positive energy dissipates. Even if the negative people are family members, there are ways to protect our own energy and limit our time around such people. Sometimes, excusing one’s self from a room to practice deep breathing can reset and create an effective psychic boundary. It can, at least, disrupt a negative conversation.

As a part of my series about “5 Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Dramatically Improve One’s Wellbeing,” I had the pleasure of interviewing Maria Leonard Olsen.

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The Pandemic of 2020 has given us permission. Permission to slow down. Permission to not make long term plans. Permission to examine our values. Permission to re-evaluate. Permission to relax. Permission to quit.

Many of us were raised in a society that told us never to give up. But “never” does not always serve us. Circumstances change.

As I age, I more carefully guard my time. Time is the one thing we cannot buy and it is of uncertain duration. Yet most of us are more careful about how we spend our money than how we spend our time. We never know which day may be our last. So, when I am about to start something or think about continuing something, my interior dialogue includes thoughts of whether whatever it is that I am doing is moving me closer to my best version or purpose. If it is something that will unnecessarily deplete me and brings me no joy, why continue?

There are things that we must complete, of course, principally relating to our jobs or other obligations. But many things that are squarely in the “should” category can be dropped. Stop “should-ing” all over yourself, I like to say.

Last year, I took on chairing a large conference for women in Washington, D.C. Initially, I was honoured to have been asked to chair it. As I learned how much of my time and energy was required for the task, I questioned why I was doing it. It was my ego. I wanted the title. I wanted to bring a successful and inspiring conference to the women I knew in the area, but I also wanted people to know I could do it, and do it well.

It turned out to be too much. I agreed to take a smaller role. To date, they have found no one to take the chairperson role. Perhaps others are more adept at saying no.

I have never been good at saying no. I am a recovering people-pleaser. I am learning to drop the rock of people-pleasing, however, and to examine my motives in all that I do.

I suppose I wanted people to like me. I realized, as I got older, that what people think of me is not within my control. People’s reactions and thoughts are based on an amalgam of their experiences. Often, a person’s behaviour towards me has little to do with me. It may have had something to do with a memory I triggered. In any event, I have learned to let go more and more, and to stop taking things personally.

So, stop beating yourself up if you need to bow out of doing something. Better yet, stop committing to things. Learn to enjoy just being rather than doing so much all of the time. Abandon the myth that women who do more and multi-task more are successful. When one is doing two things at once, neither is being done well. I used to pride myself on my ability to multi-task. What that led to was my inability to be fully present. I was continuously thinking of that needed to be done next or what else I could be doing at the same time. I was a poor listener to the conversations I was having. We were sold a false bill of goods on doing it all, especially at the same time.

SEE ALSO: 5 Simple Rituals To Help You Face Uncertainty

Life is to be savoured, especially during this third of our lives. It is easy to dwell on negative things, but we would all do better to learn to dwell on pleasures in life, especially the simple ones that are easily overlooked.

This pandemic has forced many of us to re-prioritize our lives. It also has led many to become more aware of all the excess in our lives. When going out is dangerous, one learns to make do with less. And we all could do with less in our over-consumptive culture.

I am gratified to see more of my neighbours taking walks since the pandemic began. I believe, based on what I see, that more people are exercising now. That benefits our long-term health, both physically and mentally.

When is the last time you took a walk, especially to an area you have never visited? When was the last time you actually stopped to smell a flower? When did you last take in a full sunset’s glory? These pleasures are not to be rushed by. Notice. Savour. Enjoy life’s symphony.

About The Author

Maria Leonard Olsen

Maria is a Washington, D.C.-based attorney and author of “50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life” (Rowman & Littlefield, June 2018). She is an attorney, radio talk show host of the Washington, D.C. show “Inside Out,” writing and women’s empowerment retreat instructor, editor, and public speaker on diversity issues and living a life authentic to one’s values. Her work has been published by The Washington Post, Washingtonian Magazine, Bethesda Magazine, among others. She also served in the Clinton Justice Department prior to having children, and recently returned to practising law now that she is an empty-nester.

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https://www.crunchytales.com/the-power-of-quitting-and-letting-go/

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KUEL CHIEFS, MARIA OLSEN

Turning My Pain Into A Force For Good

Maria Olsen and I met at FierceConLA 2019 where we both were speakers on the same panel. Her story captured me immediately and thankfully I was able to convince Maria to participate in my Sunday’s Share Your Story Series.

Now, I am thrilled to introduce Maria Olsen as our most recent woman-driven brand in our curated shopping experience. Her book, 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter is an incredibly inspiring read and you can now grab yours in the Kuel Shop.

KUELLIFE: What type of business do you own/run?

MARIA: I am an author and public speaker, as well as an attorney. My latest book, 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life, has served as a vehicle for much of my public speaking on such topics as self-care, becoming one’s best version, and meditation for busy people.

KUELLIFE: What prompted you or drove you to become an entrepreneur? When?

“my “why” is to turn my pain into a force for good”

MARIA: I have written and spoken throughout my life as a way of processing my thoughts and feelings. I really believe my “why” is to turn my pain into a force for good by sharing my story and helping other women who may feel alone or rudderless amidst their struggles.

KUELLIFE: What’s your biggest struggle?

MARIA: Not feeling as if I am doing enough. Especially as I age, I am increasingly aware that my time in this life is limited. And, there is so much more of the world I want to see and experiences I want to have before I leave!

KUELLIFE: What is your biggest fear as an entrepreneur? How do you work through it?

“ I feel so exposed, at times.”

MARIA: Sometimes I wonder if I have been too self-revelatory in my writing and speaking. I feel so exposed, at times. But I tell myself that if I help even one woman by sharing my journey recovering from alcoholism, divorce, sexual assault/abuse, or other things I have written about, it will have been worth it.

KUELLIFE: How do you measure your success?

MARIA: I measure it by how many people I have helped. It is so gratifying to receive messages about how my book has helped someone seek help, work through their issues, or feel not so alone with their struggles. More often than not, when I give a book talk or other public speaking event, someone will approach me in tears about how my words helped them and gave them strength and hope.

KUELLIFE: Finally, what advice would you give other women about taking an entrepreneurial path?

MARIA: Examine your values and try to find a path that aligns with those values. Those who find work that fills them with joy and purpose are so blessed! Talk to other women about their experiences. We each can lift each other up!

https://kuellife.com/turning-my-pain-into-a-force-for-good

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Recently I led The Art of Professional Reinvention, a three-night online workshop for 40Plus of Greater Washington, which followed an in-person version of the workshop I led in February. I compiled and curated for the workshop participants an extended list of books about and related to reinventing yourself in the workplace, a topic that is more important now than ever.

This list is based on the one I sent to the participants:

Marci Alboher: The Encore Career Handbook: How to Make a Living and a Difference in the Second Half of Life

Paul Arden: It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want to Be; Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite

…

Maria Leonard Olsen: 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life

…

As with other book lists I’ve recently curated, this is not meant to be exhaustive or definitive, though it’s extensive enough that it is unlikely you can work through all of these books within the next year. If any make an impression on you, or turn out to be influential and useful in your reinvention, please let me know!

http://brucerosenstein.com/a-curated-book-list-for-career-professional-reinvention/

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I Married Myself

—by Maria Leonard Olsen

Two summers ago, I married myself. There were tears of love and joy.

That same weekend, my ex-husband whom I had been with for 25 years married a tall blonde fitness instructor with a fabulous figure. Everything I am not. While my adult children traveled from other cities to attend their father’s wedding, I gathered my three best friends to be with me while I recited vows to myself halfway across the country.

Two friends traveled from the west, and two of us came from the east. We met on a mountain in Colorado. I had sent them email invitations cordially inviting them to my wedding…to myself. There was some initial confusion, but they were game.

I wanted to surround myself with those who helped me be the best version of myself that I could be. These women do that. We have been friends for 35 years. We met in law school, and accompanied each other through weddings, births, deaths, job changes and life’s crises of most varieties. Our families vacationed together from time to time. Now two of us are divorced. We fit the national average on that score.

When my ex-husband announced his engagement, I mourned the loss of the Norman Rockwellian family life fantasy I had constructed in my mind. My ex-husband often had accused me of trying to live a Hallmark card life. He was right. I thought I could provide my children the childhood I had longed for, free of domestic abuse, secrets and alcoholic rampages, and full of travel and material accoutrements. I had not realized that the seemingly perfect families around me were an illusion. Every family has problems. While the magnitude of familial disharmony and ability to mask dysfunction and pain may differ, no family is immune because we are all human. We are all perfectly imperfect.

I tried so hard to overcome the perceived shortcomings of my childhood that I lost sight of my true compass and what was really important to me. I joined clubs and organized endless events and projects. I became a human doing more than a human being. At one point, I entered a severe depression under the weight of the facade I was struggling to keep in place. My deep self-loathing refused to be stuffed down until I sought help by working on the issues I long ignored. Unaddressed trauma weighed on my consciousness like rocks I would hurl far away, only to have them roll back and unexpectedly slam into me. The painful secrets of abuse and having been raped kept me mired in low-simmering shame that sometimes found a way of boiling over and spilling sideways into my life when not vigilantly kept at bay. I could not pretend anymore. My alcoholism flared out of control.

I did much work on myself after the divorce. I sought a spiritual cure. I opened the Pandora’s box of my life’s secrets and dealt with them head on. I went to five rehabs, one of which specializes in trauma. I allowed other women to bear witness to my pain and shame. We all did, and it was immensely healing. I came to believe that I am, in fact, enough, and that no one is responsible for my happiness but me. I lamented over the years I had spent silently begging via achievements and doing things for others. I realized that much of my motivation for my actions was the hope that my efforts would yield outside affirmations of my self-worth.

Now I believe all that happened was necessary to bring me to where I am, emotionally and spiritually. Every person and situation can be a source of learning for me. Rather than fight it, I am learning how to discern the message. I do what I can to mend my character defects and live a life in accord with my values.

I woke up feeling melancholy the day of my ex-husband’s wedding. I grieved the loss of our marriage and irretrievable fracturing of our family unit. As my friends awoke that morning and joined me around the fire pit for coffee, I let their good cheer and unflagging support buoy me. We enjoyed the day, reveling in the natural beauty around us and the comfortable companionship the years had bestowed upon us. We took a long hike and, as we sat on a rock jutting out above a lush valley, I was struck by the thought that these women help me turn my gaze forward, not back, time and time again.

That night, we gathered in a little stone pavilion near our cabin. There was a warm fire blazing and a new moon visible above. My “bridesmaids” had given me the traditional something old (a beautiful vintage necklace in my favorite pink color), new (a handmade crown of flowers with a bit of tulle serving as a veil), borrowed (a small handmade purse I had gifted to one of them years ago, and blue (lovely earrings). The “bouquets” I supplied them with were small canvases with a photograph of me with each of them in the center, surrounded by carefully calligraphed sentiments of what I admired and respected about each one of them. I read the words on each canvas during the wedding ceremony. A young woman on the property who heard what I was doing embraced me afterwards with tears in her eyes and said I had helped her with my self-marriage ritual in ways I could not imagine.

I said vows to myself: I would love myself. I would cultivate self-compassion. I would be responsible for my own happiness. I would have confidence in my ability to tolerate pain and move on. I would respect myself enough to be intentional about how I spent my time, the most precious commodity that not one of us can get back. I am enough and do not need anyone else to make me feel whole.

The wedding reception followed. In the hot tub. Under stars that began to glimmer.

–Maria Leonard Olsen is the author of 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life (Rowman & Littlefield, 2018). For more information, see www.MariaLeonardOlsen.com.

https://influencersofmidlife.com/i-married-myself/

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The Huntsman World Senior Games is the largest annual multi-sport event in the world for athletes 50 and over. Great conversation with show hosts Kyle Case and Lil Barron for their radio show program, “Active Life,” on July 15, about my book, 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life. Aired on their podcast starting in mid-July on https://seniorgames.net/radio and https://www.buzzsprout.com/113534/4600016. Show aired on St George News Radio in St. George, UT at 93.1 FM & 1450 AM on June 16 at 7:30 pm EST https://www.stgeorgeutah.com/st-george-news-radio/

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I was honored to be chosen as one of the 21 hand-picked influencers for the online video interview series called “Midlife Magic: Step Into Your Feminine Wisdom & Create The Life You Were Meant To Live.” The series was for women who feel called to transform their lives and follow their own inner wisdom to connect with their authentic selves and find what really sets their souls on fire!

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“The Women the WSJ Forgot” — Interview with Kuellife.com

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Honored to be profiled as Woolfer of the Week (as in, “What Would Virginia Woolf Do?) by The Woolfer https://www.thewoolfer.com/feeds/woolfer-of-the-week-maria-leonard-olsen

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I am excited to invite you to enjoy free access to an exciting interview series titled “Hi-Vibe Over 50: Physical and Emotional Health for a Vital, Purpose-filled Life”, hosted by my friend, Dr. Shelly Valdez, Wellness Educator.  This series is for women in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond who believe in living a healthy, vibrant life of purpose their WHOLE lives! I’m delighted to have been one of over 20 experts specifically chosen by Dr. Valdez to help you learn the secrets to natural and long-lasting health through emotional wellness, stress relief, nutritional wellness, and physical strength - all specifically designed for women over 50. (It may be different than you think!) In addition, you’ll hear inspiring stories of how these experts have changed their lives as well as the lives of thousands of others just like you. You’ll receive practical tips to incorporate NOW as you pursue YOUR vital, purpose-filled life. It’s not too late and you are not too old! Join me online for this stimulating event that can change your life! Gain your FREE access here: https://hivibeover50.com/mon A recording of Dr. Valdez’s interview with me can be found here: https://hivibeover50.com/maria-olsen/

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Maria Olsen: The universe and my Higher Power have allowed me to use my past trauma as a force for good in the world. Keeping trauma secret is like holding a beach ball under water—It takes a tremendous amount of mental energy to hold it down. Fierce sisters come forward and share your painful stories. You may help heal another person. And yourself.

The Fierce List For Letting Your Shield Down

BOOKS

50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life by Maria Olsen

When Maria turned 50, she had the distinct feeling that she was on the downward slope of her life. Actuarially speaking, she was. So when she turned 50, her gift to herself was to go on a crusade to make the most of whatever time she had left. She set out to do 50 new things that were significant, at least to her. The list spanned physical challenges, adventure travel, and lifestyle changes. Each taught her something about herself and about how she wanted to lead the next years of her life to come.
This work follows the work she did to accomplish those 50 new things and shows readers how to make their own action lists – whether it be joining a knitting club or hiking the Himalayas, every item has significance for each individual and speaks to her needs and desires. The list is the match to spark the fire that will light the years after 50. Readers will hear about Maria’s adventures and the rewards of each. Accomplishing new things, learning new skills, deepening personal and spiritual relationships, and seeking out challenges will add the spice to a life that may feel repetitive, insignificant, inauthentic, or just plain boring.

https://mailchi.mp/catherinegraceo.com/get-inspired-to-live-a-more-fulfilling-life-in-2020

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Honored to be a guest on Laura di Franco’s Brave Healing Podcast, to air November 20, 2019, at noon!

https://brave-healing.simplecast.com/episodes/living-your-best-life-after-50-with-maria-leonard-olsen-4O4SnBpw or

https://lauradifranco.com/podcast/

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“50 After 50” featured in the “2019 Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide for Seniors and Caregivers”

https://www.seniorly.com/resources/articles/2019-holiday-gift-guide-for-seniors

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Contributor to an article from HealingLaw.com on defending one’s self in court.

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