Piece About Online Haters & Trolls That I Wrote for Influencers of Midlife
What happened to the adage we were taught as children: If you don’t have something
nice to say, don’t say anything at all? From what I witness on social media today, that slogan is
no longer taught or respected.
We who dip our toes into influencer land open ourselves up to possible vitriol by online
haters and trolls. It comes with the territory. Some people are simply unhappy, want to take out
their negativity on others, or have nothing better to do.
My son Chris Olsen is a social media influencer with more than 20 million followers
across platforms. Seeing negativity thrown his way hurts my heart. I counsel him to remember
who he is and that those who hate generally want something that he has.
It is hard to always have our armor in place to catch barbs, however. I post daily on
Facebook and Instagram, am active on other social media platforms, and contribute to many
online publications. Sometimes taking a break from all of it helps.
I recently had my second TEDx Talk published on YouTube. I was so excited about the
important information I shared about the risks of consumer DNA tests, that it was a TEDx
Editor’s Pick, and that the Talk garnered thousands of views in just a couple of days.
Then I read the comments. Most were supportive and kind, but some were inaccurate and
just mean. Talk about deflating my euphoria balloon!
I realize that hurt people hurt people. So many of those taking time to post negative
comments have difficulties in their own lives. So I try to respond with love, rather than quickly
reacting while emotions have been stirred.
I vented to my cohort of TEDx speakers and they commiserated, suggesting that I focus
on the positive. I am indeed proud of what I put out in the world, and I know it has the potential
to help many people.
My TEDx speaking coach, Daphne Lattimore, had the following advice:
“When a message touches identity, family, and lived experience, people don’t just listen—they react from
their own stories. Some responses will be thoughtful. Others won’t be. I’ve learned to be
intentional about where I place my energy: If it adds insight, I’ll engage. If it reflects a
misunderstanding, I may clarify—briefly. If it’s simply mean-spirited, I let it pass. Not every
comment deserves a response. And when something is inaccurate, I pause and ask myself: Will
responding elevate the conversation—or just extend it? You were thoughtful and courageous in
how you shared your story. Stay anchored in that. The people who are meant to receive your
message are hearing you.”
Wise words from a wise woman, which I took to heart.
I am continually reminded of the utility of the Serenity Prayer in every aspect of my life.
It is used to close 12-step meetings, which I attend. It asks our Higher Power to grant us the
serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.
So I will respond to criticism if it is warranted and reflect and make changes where it
makes sense. As an act of self-care, I will let go of the rest.
* * *
Maria Leonard Olsen practices law as a commercial litigator in Washington, DC. She is an
Amazon bestselling author (50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life), award-
winning podcaster (“Becoming Your Best Version”), journalist, TEDx speaker (“Turning Life’s
Challenges into a Force for Good” and “What to Consider Before and After You Take a DNA
Test”), book marketing coach for female authors and mentor to women in recovery. Maria served
as a political appointee in the Clinton Justice Department and on numerous boards. She writes
for several women in midlife publications (including AARP’s The Ethel and Kuel Life) and is a
frequent public speaker on wellness issues. Her next books will be Before and After the DNA
Test: A Practical Guide to Genetic Privacy, Medical Risks and Family Secrets (Bloomsbury
2026) and 60 After 60: Finding Serenity in Your 60s or at Any Age. Learn more at
MariaLeonardOlsen.com and follow her on social media @FiftyAfter50.
https://influencersofmidlife.com/dealing-with-online-haters-and-trolls/